he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
