i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
