I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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