The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
this hospital has no fireball
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
