very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
