What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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