I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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