I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
