If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
