fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
