just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
