he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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