the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
