I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
