i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
