i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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