I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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