yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
