that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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