I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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