Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
