I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize