Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize