it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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