we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
