8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
