Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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