at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
