he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
