Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
