Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
