I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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