did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
