We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
