You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
