he wants to bone in the snuggie
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
