Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize