Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
