saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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