I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
