I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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