I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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