White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
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I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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