so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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