So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
