She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
