I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
