nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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