im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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