SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
