But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
