i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it penis luge time yet?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
being pregnant is like rehab
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
