shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
