I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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