i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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