I wish I could teleport
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
