Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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