that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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