I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize