There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
